Charlie's blog

Monday was Charlie's first day of school, a.k.a. daycare. For some reason it makes me feel much better calling this place "school" rather than daycare. We took him for a short day so he could have a little taste of this strange place before having to take the full plunge of being there day after day, week after week. Fortunately, Neal and I were off work for MLK day, so we were able to take him and pick him up at our leisure. We even took the time alone to go see a movie, something we haven't done since we were pregnant!

Leaving Charlie at the school was much more difficult than I ever thought it would be. Charlie has been staying at Nana's since September, and I thought I had already felt the emotions that come with leaving him every day. I honestly believed that I would drop him off and wave goodbye to him excitedly while Neal and I left for a few hours of much deserved adult time away from work. I am excited that he will be among other children his age. I know it will be good for him, he will learn a lot, and he will certainly be happy. But leaving him there really hit me. HARD.

While Neal went to write the enormous check for the next few weeks of daycare, I watched Charlie through the window into his classroom. His teacher, Miss R., sat a happy Charlie on her lap. He looked around at all the new faces. He peered up at Miss N. with curiosity. Miss R. pulled out a book and began to read to my baby. At that moment, I lost it. Looking through that classroom window, I couldn't help feeling torn because this woman was having a moment with Charlie that I wanted to be having, and she will continue to do so for the next several months. My emotions were a mixture of sadness, jealousy, and anger, while at the same time relieved and happy for Charlie. I left a very sad mommy but I was happy knowing that Miss R. is an experienced and capable woman who will care for my child each day. I just wish it could be me.

Did I mention that he already has a cold after less than three days of school?

Posted by Cathy on Tuesday, January 16, 2007 at 12:35 PM | Permalink